I have a nervous system, too!

Almost 2 years ago, I had this funny experience, which felt a little bit like realizing I had a nose on my face. Here’s how it went.

I noticed Sumaya was doing all sorts of unusual “exercises,” often with accompanying sounds that I wasn’t used to hearing her make. From the other room, I’d hear a series of – I dunno – chants or something, or sometimes what sounded like a Bronx cheer (here’s an example). Or I’d see her sitting at the end of the dock at the pond, with her eyes closed, doing what looked like breathing exercises. I thought it was all a bit strange. But, I had to admit, she was finally making real progress in her healing, after almost three years of really struggling with a nasty stew of brain injury + covid. 

So I began to get more and more curious about what she was up to. At first, it was really just to be a supportive partner; to help her in her healing journey. So I started to learn more about nervous systems, and polyvagal theory, and what it means to support a dysregulated nervous system. And it started to make sense that what Sumaya was doing was learning to nurture and regulate her nervous system, which the brain injury + covid combo had thrown into a chronic state of feeling under threat. 

I started to do some of the exercises with her. And I took some amazing courses that helped me grok how she was finally getting traction in her healing. 

And somewhere along the way it dawned on me (palm to forehead) that I actually have a nervous system too. And that I had managed to make it to my fifties without having anything but the most superficial understanding of how it worked. I started to learn that there are lots of ways to help myself come back to a feeling of safety and calm when I’m triggered, or overwhelmed, or feeling stuck.

My spiritual understanding and orientation have been a godsend during the darkest moments of the last few years. And as I learned more about my nervous system, I realized that I could have both a “top-down” approach that could bring me back to a feeling of love and safety (what I might call remembering my true nature), and a “bottom-up” approach that introduced me to the miracle of my body and how I could invite a shift in feeling and perspective by working WITH my nervous system instead of against it. 

So now, if you were a fly on the wall, you’d probably hear me making odd sounds throughout the day (turns out it’s less Bronx cheer, and more “horse lips” or making the sound of a motor), and doing things that I didn’t used to do to regulate my nervous system. I’ve found tons of resources out there to support me in learning about, and befriending my nervous system. You can find some of my favorite resources below.

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Every once in a while, I get really anxious. I can feel my heart pounding. My thoughts are racing. Usually it’s something that feels totally out of my control that brings this on. No fun. In the past, I just had faith that it would pass. And it always would. But sometimes it felt like it took FOREVER for it to relax its grip on me. 

Through learning more about my nervous system, I’ve found a great tool that helps me now when I’m in this state. It’s called VOO-HUM. It’s really simple and it works really fast. 

Warning: It’s also very effective and it’s powerfully down-regulating, so be a nervous system ninja and use it wisely and sparingly. If you are already in a well-regulated state, it can kick you into a sluggish and unproductive state. 

Here are the steps.

Take a deep inhale through your nose.

Exhale slowly through your mouth, making the sound VOOOOOO

About halfway through your exhale (no need to be precise), switch to making the sound HUMMMM, with your lips together, and your teeth slightly apart. 

Repeat 5-10 times. (Listen to your body for when enough is enough)

Enjoy the calmer feeling in your system!

The magic here is all about how these sounds activate our vagus nerve, which helps shift us from a more reactive state of nervous system activity into a calmer state.

 Let me know how it goes for you the next time you need it.

If you don’t need the big guns, and just want to experiment with finding a calmer state in your system, you can try this instead:

Triangle Breath

Inhale through your nose for a count of 4

Hold your breath (gently, without tensing up) for a count of 4

Exhale through your nose for a count of 8

I enjoy doing this while I’m driving, or waiting at the doctor’s office, or in a group Zoom meeting. And, unlike the VOO-HUM, no one can even tell I’m doing it.